Relating

I’m introspective, analytical, and love to aim to see the bigger picture (which helps me remove the over-emotional sides of me).

You know all this by now.

But I truly love it when someone comments on how they relate to what I say. I think it’s because it partly validates my analysis. Note that I don’t think that an analysis is necessarily a solution. It’s just that it makes me feel as if I’ve managed to capture a more complete picture of the emotion… So when you comment, even if that’s what you leave on this blog and even if then don’t comment again, it helps makes me feel good. Truly.

It’s probably why I enjoy reading some of those blogs on that blogroll thingy too! Because I can relate that much to so many posts. And why I can’t at all - for the life of me - enjoy absolutely non-emotional blogs. If it’s all math or science or facts, it’s like reading a factual book (like schoolbooks in school). There is nothing for me to say about it.

By the way this is sincere. Just in case you’re wondering.

But one of the problem when I write from the heart is that although it’s clear to me, I can later see how to make it clearer the next time I read it…

I wish conversations were like that. That I could keep adding details over time.

Bad weather bad moods?

I’ve spoken to a few people who seem to have experience something similar to me: it’s gotten cold quickly here, and for the past weeks we seemed to have shared a sort of lack of motivation (for work, etc) and drop in energy.

I’m drinking energy “tonic” now every day. As well as working on keeping busy (regardless of how constructive the busy is for now).

Hopefully that will help.

You said ups and downs?

I know. It must be tiring to follow me through my moods and emotional ups and downs.

To be honest, I don’t remember when my moods didn’t fluctuate as much. They go through cycles like that ever since I was 8 or something. I can blame it on the blood, on genetics. But Fact is: I’ve worked on them. They’re not as aggravating (or as weird to handle as they once were). I could, of course, focus on the fact that the ideal is that they are gone. But I’m not there yet.

Seeking balance

I’ve written a few drafts that covered what I want to look like to how I plan to work on my ego (and self image).

It’s funny. I often think that people think I’m lying (and just seeking compliments) when I say I don’t like how I look. When I say I don’t find myself pretty, or whatever. But I know I believe it. The strange thing is that I seem to want (and do seek) the compliments. It’s because since I’ve put so much weight on what others thought of me for most of my conscious life, I hope I’ll start believing it. Strangely still, I either just say ‘thank you’ or I disagree, whichever way, I never believe it.

30 things I want to do before I turn 30

Or: 30 things I want to do (or learn to do) before or by the time I turn 30.

I want that buff body but just for me, not others

So, yeah. I’m back to working on buffing up.

I’ve visited a site called Muscles with Attitude and think I will keep visiting it. I’m not working on building a bodybuilder’s body, but I want muscles + curves, like the pics of the Figure competitors but with more fat or muscles - I don’t want to look that lean. Lean isn’t quite attractive to me (in a woman’s body). Hey, if you’re lean, don’t take it personally. Some think above a size 6 is too big. That’s cool. I think less than a size 8 (maybe 10) is not for me. For one, it isn’t appealing to my eyes, and also, it’s not the norm most women are encouraged to follow.

Active changes

First of all, I’d like to apologize. Because of my weird posting/non-posting/deleting-posts. Because I have not really commented on any blog, and I’ve since wanted to delete badly the few comments I have posted - the incoherence and obvious irritable/irrational/angry/bitchy tone of ‘em is freaky. (If I’ve done it to you: delete ‘em. I know. I shouldn’t have posted them to begin with. I know. I know.) Because of this, I am likely to hold on and not comment for a little while. My objective is to post here on the other hand, partly to share the few things I want to (and need to, and am) actively work(ing) on right now.

I’m navigating through a weird serie of mood swings, frustrating times, low energy, anger and more. I’ve also been trying to analyze a few things and a few behavioral patterns that I have and with which I have issues.